Since most of you do not have time to read through all of their fascinating articles, I will highlight the accomplishments of the Sri Lankan army's last 8 days in PTK here:
"Terrorist toilet recovered in PTK after heavy damages dealt to LTTE. Security forces are still searching for the toilet brush, suspected of having been burried as the LTTE withdrew. Intercepted terrorist radio communications indicate senior LTTE leaders were present on the front lines to defend this toilet at all costs. Soldiers are presently searching the toilet to disable any mines or booby traps the LTTE may have left before they allow security forces to use it. The presence of a stainless steel flush knob indicates a foreign hand, probably NGOs, working hand in hand with the terrorists. It is reported one Tamil civilian, obviously being used as a human shield, came running out in a shocked manner as the security forces broke down the locked door. The presence of an obnoxious odor seems to suggest the LTTE was using this toilet to store some form of chemical or biological weapons. Photos of other notable discoveries included below."
"Used terrorist cell phone recharge card. Security forces were dissappointed that it had already been used and had no more validity."
"Terrorist carrom board. Security forces are looking for where the terrorists have burried the striker and dots. If they are unable to find them, suggestions are to reopen A-9 early and have the dots supplied from Colombo."
"Security forces capture LTTE leader Anton Balasingham. So far he refuses to tell interrogators anything. He has also reportedly refused all attempts to feed him. If he continues to refuse food, security forces may have to resort to force feeding."
"Terrorist baby mosquito protector recovered by security forces. This was obviously used by terrorist babies so they wouldn't be bitten by mosquitos as they planned their terroristic attacks. The security forces have developed unique screening methods to identify terrorist babies from ordinary civilian babies, which they are employing at all screening centers to seperate out the terrorist babies."
"Terrorist plastic waste basket cover. This clearly reveals dark secrets about the LTTE's garbage recycling plans."
"A terrorist black and white laser printer, obviously used for making fake passports and printing counterfeit currency notes."